BerhanaJ's 5th draft

One day during lunch Halley was eating with Brittney, Sophie, and Kyra when they told her there was

one last thing she had to do if she wanted to hang out with them. They said she had to put a thumbtack on

Brian's chair. Halley immediately protested saying that Brian was a nice kid and that wouldn't be a nice

thing to do. Brittney, Sophie, and Kyra said that if she didn't do it she couldn't hang out with them

anymore. Halley just decided to go along with it. So right before math class started Halley slipped a

thumbtack on Brian's chair. The class was going to do a standing up activity and then take a math quiz.

When it was time to take the quiz Brian yelped and was jumping up and down. Everyone turned to look

at him and the teacher saw the thumbtack on his chair. She demanded to know who put it there and

Halley confessed to doing it. The teacher sent her down to the principles office. Before she made it out the

door Brian said something to her that made her cry. " You know, I actually thought you were a pretty nice

person. People were whispering as soon as she walked out of the door. The principle wanted to know

why she did it and she said because she wanted to continue hanging out with the popular girls. The

principle phoned her parents and they were pretty mad about it. She walked home with her parents and

they grounded her for a week. They told her it was probably not a good idea to keep hanging out with

those girls. Halley thought that was what was probably best as well. The next day Brittney, Sophie, and

Kyra asked her what happened. They didn't seem to care that Halley was in deep trouble which made

Halley really mad. " You know that wasn't a very nice thing to do". They just laughed and said that that

wimp deserved it. They told Halley they've just been using her this whole time to do awful things to

people. Halley knew that and said she didn't want to be friends with people like them. They didn't care.

They'd just find someone else as they've always have. When Halley went home she vowed that never

again will she hang out with people who made her do things that weren't good things.                                              

The Sign (page 2)

               

                                                                                   The Sign page 2

         I explained Nate about Sarah while we were arriving to the park, Nate gives me an idea "Dude she's my
new neighbor, tomorrow you should walk with her to practice and introduce yourself." I look at him with confidence but just thinking about it for a moment I wasn't. " What if she ignores me like she does to everyone else?" I said. Nate shrugged his shoulders "Well its your loss. Just give it a shot... you can do it" Nate taps my back encouraging me. He runs over to the tall grass with his BB gun and puts on his sniper gear covered in grass and guit camouflaging him like the landscape around us. He whispers at me "Jose go find a place to hide." I look around, I claimed on an old tree and sat on the center of the branch, it was as if i was sitting on a giant's hand. I sit tightly grasping the plastic gun, I sit there for an hour quietly listening to the sound of water running through the river below us, the sound of birds chirping above the tall redwoods. A blue Jay flew down on the picnic table, Nate quietly moved and aimed it at the blue Jay. He inhaled trying not to screw up and pulled the trigger, the bird was shot through the oesophagus. Nate runs toward the bird watching the it wheezing for air, twitching as it slowly dies, "Man, next time I should aim for the head." Nate said. I applaud to Nate " That's for sure. Hey its getting late my mom is probably screaming from the kitchen thinking I’m on the roof." When I arrived home my Dad was home on the phone with someone and my mom next to him in the dinner room crying. " Dad what's going on?" I asked with concern. My Dad looked at me with his stern eyes, "It's your brother. He's gone missing after a bomb exploded while they were clearing a building, they say he could be captured by the Taliban or..." he hesitated "Died." My throat burned as if I eaten a thousand needles. I feel to my knees and pounded on the granite floor with my fist, screaming "God Damn you Fucking terrorists!" My Dad grabbed my fists " Jose stop this you have to understand he might still be alive." He gave me a hug " Mijo go to bed you have to get ready for tennis practice tomorrow." I walked to my bedroom and closed the door, i couldn't sleep that night. Thinking if my brother was still alive in one piece. I went to my brother's bedroom looking at his picture that is was placed on an altar surrounded with lit candles and flowers. " God if he is still alive somewhere out there then show me a sign, to prove to me that you can save him." I prayed.

Berhana's 4 draft

It was nearing the middle of the school year and Halley thought it came by fast. Her new friends that for

hanging out with them she had to do alo't of things she knew were against school rules. Halley told them

that they were extremely mean things to do to really nice people. They however said it was the only way

for her to be popular and if she didn't do it besides she couldn' t hang out with them anymore. Halley did

whatever they wanted her to do because she wanted to continue hanging out with them. She was

beginning to notice people were talking to her less and less and some had even begun to give her dirty

looks whenever they passed by her in the hallways or stairs. It was really different from the beginning of

the year when people smiled at her whenever they passed by her in the hallways or stairs. Her teachers

had never found out that she had done those things because noone wanted to tell on her because despite

the stuff she did she was a very nice girl. It was really Brittney, Sophie, and Kyra who were the mean

people who noone respected because they forced anyone who wanted to hang out with them to do mean

things to people. Halley didn't know that and she had fallen into their trap. Now she thought she would be

known as the bully or something. Her opinion on Halley, Brittney, and Kyra didn't change however. She

thought it was the only way of fitting in. Popular people were usually like that. They have there one

clique and they don't let anyone in. They waste their time trying to impress people. Halley thought that

maybe they were really people who never fit in with their peers so they want people to notice them. If that

was the case Halley felt only a little sorry for them. She wasn't able to understand it very well because she

was never out of place or insecure. Everyone liked her and she never had trouble making friends. Peer

pressure was something her parents had talked to her about. It was the most powerful force that can

control anyone and her parents said never feel pressured by anyone to do something thats not right.

Berhana's 3 draft

As the weeks passed on by Halley had gotten to know all of the people in her class

really well. In all of her classes she had spoken to everyone at least once. She was

becoming a social butterfly. However in math class Halley really liked Brian.

Everyone called him a nerd because he knew too much and was too weird.  Halley

didn’t believe that being really smart made you weird. Whenever Halley went into

math class she looked at Brian and smiled and he smiled back. They sat next to each other so they 

would always lapse into conversation when the teacher wasn't in the room yet. On some occasions 

Halley even ate lunch with him because he never had lunch with anyone. He told her that he didn't 

like being nerdy. He wanted people to like him and once he even cried. He told Halley that she was 

the one person in the school that he felt comfortable speaking to. Halley especially enjoyed hanging 

out with Brittney, Sophie, and Kyra. They talked about anything mostly school related stuff. She 

liked Kyra especially because she had a great sense of humor. Whenever she said something funny 

the four of them would burst out laughing and couldn't stop. Halley hated having to wave good 

bye to them at the end of the day. Besides seeing her friends at school Halley loved nothing more 

than coming home to her mom and dad and Sparky, her puppy. Every night she called, emailed, 

and texted her friends. Her parents only allowed this because she agreed to be in bed before 

her curfew and she was only allowed a few minutes. This was because if she stayed up too late she 

would be real cranky in the mornings and be a drag on her parents. The other reason was because 

they said growing children need a decent amount of sleep each night.

joe chayban page 5

The ambulance came and took me to the hospital. The ground where I got hit was kind of red from my blood. The woman's car had a little dent on the bumper from her hitting me. The front bumper was made from some sort of plastic. I remember crying a lot and the medics putting me in the back of the ambulance car. At the hospital, they fixed my leg because it was broken. I still have some scars from the incident. The lesson that I learned was to pay attention when crossing the street and next time, let a person older than me do something that might be dangerous. 

joe chayban's page 4

My cousin and I played with the tennis ball for about an hour and then my dad came back. He bought some pots and plant food. My dad said that he doesn't need my cousin's help because there isn't that much work. So we kept on playing with the tennis ball. I threw the ball high and my cousin couldn't get it, so it went on the street. My cousin said that he will go and get it, but I told him no I will get it. As I was going to get the ball, a car was coming. I didn't see the car because I just got on the street and I wasn't even near the tennis ball to get it. Suddenly, I got hit by the car. My cousin had seen what had happened and he yelled and came running to me. I was under the car screaming. I could see the parts of the car. My dad didn't see what had happened but he heard my cousin scream and come running to me. My dad then realized what had happened and also came running.

My cousin told me that the woman that hit me was on her phone and smoking a cigarette. She stopped and got out of her car. She was freaking out and on the verge of crying. My dad and cousin pulled me out from under the car. I was bleeding from my knees, hands, face, and nose. My leg had gotten broken and I was screaming and crying. My screaming attracted a lot of attention. The first people that came out were my mom and aunt. They looked from the balconies and knew what had happened. They also came running to me. Then there were the neighbors from the buildings around us. One of the people that came out was the woman's husband. I had talked to him before, he was really nice. He was tall and skinny and he liked to play basketball because I had seen him playing before. He saw what had happened and like his wife, he was freaking out.

During all the trouble, my dad called the police and the ambulance. The woman and her husband were apologizing, and were saying that they will pay for everything that had happened. The police came and they took a report. Since my cousin was the only one who had seen what had happened, he was the main attention of the police. The police also talked to the woman that had hit me to see if the two stories were right. The woman told the police the same story that my cousin had told. She wasn't arrested, because my dad told the police that he doesn't want her to get arrested because he is good friends with her and her husband.

 

joe chayban's page 3

Morning came and I woke up. I went to the living room and I saw my parents sitting on the couch watching the news and drinking. I said good morning to them and so they did. They told me that we are going to go to church because last Sunday we didn't. Then they said go eat breakfast and brush your teeth and get dresses. I liked going to church because I saw the whole family and some friends there. I finished dressing but my parents were not. I wore a black tuxedo with a red tie and black shoes. After a couple of minutes, my dad finished dressing. He was also wearing a black tuxedo with a tie and black shoes. His hair was neatly combed and he smelled like perfume. Then he told me to come to the bathroom with him. When we got in there, he grabbed a comb and started fixing my hair. After that he sprayed some perfume on me. I smelled good. My mom finished dressing. She was wearing black pants that were kind of shiny and a nice shirt. Finally, we left. 

The church was a Christian church and it was about ten minutes away from us. It was also big and the place where my baptism was. On our way to the car, we saw my aunt, uncle, and cousins. They wanted to come with us, so we took them with us. When we arrived at the church, it was really crowded. We found a place to sit. It was near some friends. The mass started. The priest was one of my dad's closest friends. I didn't really know that well. The mass ended and the family went to talk to the priest and some other people. My cousin and I didn't really want to talk with anyone, so we went outside and waited for everyone else to finish and come outside. They were talking for about forty minutes. My cousin and I got really bored. They finally came outside and we went home.

When we got home, my other uncle, aunt, and cousins were there waiting for us. We went upstairs and my mom and aunts made lunch while my cousins and I played with playing cards. Lunch was ready and we all ate. Then we ate cake. My dad and his brother (my uncle), said that they are going to go outside and work in the garden. My eldest cousin went with them. They worked in the garden for two hours or so. My dad wanted to go to the store to buy something but he didn't have his wallet with him. He told my cousin to go and get it for him. My cousin went upstairs and got the wallet and on the way back I went with him. He gave the wallet to my dad. My dad left and told us to not do anything in the garden until he came back. So, my cousin got a tennis ball and we started throwing back and forth.